http://cheezburger.com/1460518144
It made me giggle. I clicked 'like,' and resumed scrolling down my news feed... when all of the sudden, I felt heat in my cheeks. My stomach turned over. I stopped scrolling and paid attention. Something was wrong; I was feeling shame. As I paid attention, I dreaded learning what I suspected was coming.
I went back to the picture. What made me laugh? The comment about inappropriate touching is clearly out of context. The surprise of it made me giggle, sure. But why is it funny?
- It's funny if I believe that men don't ever mind being touched by other men.
- It's funny if I believe that inappropriate touching doesn't happen between men.
- It's funny if I believe that inappropriate touching is OK between men.
- It's funny if I believe that the sexual harassment training provided in workplaces isn't important.
- It's funny if I believe that it's fundamentally OK to laugh about sexual harassment.
- It's funny if I believe that it's OK to make jokes about men or homosexuals or sexual violence.
But I don't believe that. I don't believe any of that. And in fact, if in this picture Spock had been a woman, I would have been incensed. I would have been angry. I would be fuming, not giggling.
I feel grateful that my moral conscience kicked in even after I was no longer paying attention to this picture. The reality is, sexual violence happens to men and women every day, and that isn't funny. RAINN estimates that someone is assaulted in the United States every 2 minutes. In one study, 52% of the 500 respondents (both men and women) had been a victim of some kind of workplace violence, and according to the California Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's 2006 study, workplace sexual harassment reported by men had nearly tripled in recent years. Furthermore, in one university study, gay men had experienced an average of 1.6 sexual assaults. (These stats provided by the University of Oregon; references there). These statistics indicate that sexual violence toward men happens all too often. My response to the photo indicates part of why sexual violence still occurs: because secretly, we still think it's funny.
- Maybe we think it's funny because we believe it doesn't really happen.
- Maybe we think it's funny because we believe it won't ever happen to us or someone we love.
- Maybe we think it's funny because we believe it doesn't matter if it happens.
- Maybe we think it's funny because we believe if we laugh about it, we don't have to do something about it.
But again, none of those things are true. Sexual violence destroys lives. It is estimated that 13% of rape victims attempt suicide, sometimes years after the assault. Even workplace violence that doesn't lead to rape causes emotional distress, poor performance, the need to change jobs, and other difficult life situations.
I know these statistics. I know too many stories about how sexual violence has damaged lives. I have my own stories about how sexual violence has affected mine. I have been 40-hour trained in the state of Illinois to be a crisis advocate for survivors of sexual assault. People I love and care for have shared their very real concerns for their lives because of their sexual orientation. I have learned about and studied workplace bullying. And still, even I can giggle, and 'like' and move on.
But I can't move too far. Because that conscience inside of me picked up on the disconnect, and brought me face to face with my own hypocrisy. Today, I'll call it the (uncomfortable) movement of the Spirit within me. God forgives hypocrisy. She doesn't expect perfection, only confession & repentance.
So here, I confess.
And as for repentance (meaning 'turning around' or 'turning away from'):
I "unliked" the photo in my news feed. I said a prayer for forgiveness and renewal of mind and spirit. And I committed to thinking this through, and writing it down, and sharing it with you, in the hope that the next time something like this slides in front of my face, I can respond with God's grace and love and righteous indignation, and be the advocate for the suffering whom God has called me to be.
