As a kid I grew up in a house on the top of a hill. It was surrounded by woods. My sisters and I loved to play in the woods. Now, you’ve met my older sister Jessie – the Marine. As you can imagine, she especially loved playing in the woods. And, whenever we played together, she was always the leader. Oftentimes, Jessie would lead us on hikes through the woods. We would march in a straight line, Jessie first, then me, then my little sister Rachael. Sometimes, she would dig holes in the path first, and then cover them with leaves so you couldn’t tell they were there. She’d usually tell me where the holes were before we left… but somehow she always “forgot” to tell Rachael. So, we’d be walking through the woods on one of these hikes, and inevitably Rachael’s little feet would fall into one of the holes. Jessie and I would laugh and laugh, and Jessie would carefully explain to Rachael that she was preparing Rachael to fight in the Vietnam war. Grant that this was in the late ‘80s, and the war was long over, but still. And the amazing thing is, this happened more than once. And Rachael still willingly and happily went on hikes with us. And now, Rachael still remembers these hikes – and yet somehow, she still trusts us.
That kind of trust – the trust that a child has for her older sisters, a person has with her closest family, is what Jesus addresses in today’s gospel story. In the story, the Pharisees have approached Jesus while he is teaching. They approach him with a legal question – “Jesus, is it lawful [legal] for a man to divorce his wife?” Now, this question was a loaded question. For the church of Jesus’ time, this question was about as full of emotion and intensity as the question of whether homosexuality is OK or not is for the church of our time. There were different factions of Judaism – much like there are different denominations of Christianity – and each taught something a little different regarding the concept of divorce. So, in asking this question – “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife” – the Pharisees are attempting to trick Jesus into taking a side, and ultimately alienating all of the other Jewish denominations.
But Jesus, in characteristic Jesus style, didn’t fall for the Pharisees’ trick. In fact, he didn’t even answer their question. Hear again his response: not, “Yes” or “No” or “It depends” but “What did Moses command you?” He answered their question with another question. So the Pharisees shared what Moses said, that a man could write a legal document and divorce his wife. And Jesus responds, not with a legal injunction, but by drawing them back to God’s grace. Moses and the law allow for divorce. This is important because humans are not perfect and human relationships are not perfect. But God’s grace for us, God’s hope for us, is mutual, loving, trusting right relationship between people.
Now, you might notice that that’s not exactly how Jesus said it. No, Jesus went back and quoted the Biblical texts – just as the Pharisees had. But instead of returning to the law, Jesus returns to the story, the original story of God’s creation, of God’s hope for creation. Jesus replies with two separate statements that get to the same point. You see, the book of Genesis is a compilation of the writings of 4 different authors. Two of the authors recorded the creation story. The Pharisees would have known that well, and it’s likely that some Jewish denominations preferred one account and others preferred the other. So, in saying both statements – both “God made them male and female” and, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” – in saying both of these things, Jesus brings together both author’s stories. Again, his answer isn’t about legalism or denominationalism. Jesus’ answer is about God’s creative intention when God first molded the world.
And God’s creative intention was that people would have a helper; a companion. Literally from the Hebrew, a counterpart. Instead of responding to the pettiness of the Pharisees, Jesus reminds them – and the disciples and the crowds and the children around him – that God doesn’t fall for petty schemes. God doesn’t let legalism get in the way. God doesn’t allow sinfulness or brokenness to change God’s good intentions for the world. God doesn’t permit humans to fundamentally change God’s goodness in the world. But Jesus also doesn’t tell them that Moses’ legal advice is wrong. Jesus doesn’t say that divorce is not allowed. Jesus doesn’t pretend as though divorce doesn’t happen or isn’t sometimes necessary. Rather, instead of falling for a petty scheme to further destroy relationship – between the Jewish community or between Jesus and his followers – Jesus opts to promote positive relationship. That relationship which, from the very beginning, God has created us all to have.
As Christians, we understand God to be in relationship just by herself – that God exists as a relationship between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. God exists in the relationship between the Creator, the Redeemer and the Sustainer; the Mother, the Child, and the Dancer. And God exists in relationship with us, the children, the friends, the followers. And so, we naturally understand that God’s intention for us – as made in God’s image – is also to be in relationship. We know this because we long to be with people. We are born into the world needing people. A father or mother to hold us and feed us. A sibling or friend to play with us and laugh with us. We need people to teach us to eat, to walk, to play. Infants who are not held by people die, and sick infants who are touched by people get better faster. Even into adulthood, we long for touch, for conversation, for companionship. And this is what God would have for us. This is the kind of relationship that God invites us into – with God, with Jesus, and with others.
But relationship requires trust. And, just as there were holes in the path where my sisters and I walked, there are holes in the path of every relationship. And, in every relationship, some of these are put there on purpose – and some of them just come up. Some of the holes are covered up, and some of them are not. But inevitably, at some point, our little feet will fall into one of the holes. And our companions might laugh, or might explain to us what’s going on, or might help us up. But hopefully, one way or another, however it happens, they might restore trust.
We have a remarkable resource in the ELCA’s new Sexuality Statement. This statement carefully addresses not only sexuality, but our human relationships in the many forms they take. Just as Jesus addressed God’s intention without denying the reality and need for divorce, this statement addresses both God’s hope and intention for relationships, and also the reality that sin and brokenness affect these relationships. At one point, the statement says, “God created human beings to be in relationship with each other and continually blesses us with diverse powers, which we use in those relationships.” It asserts that God desires that we might have trusting relationships that are loving, life-giving, self-giving, fulfilling, nurturing, marked by truth-telling, faithful, committed, supportive, hospitable, and a blessing to society and serving the good of the neighbor.
But as we all know, not all relationships do this, and not all marriages are able to sustain these intentions. As we participate in Domestic Violence Awareness month, we become aware that many relationships are not only painful but downright abusive. In fact, the sexuality statement asserts, “Precisely because marriage is the place where deep human trust and needs abide, it also can be a place of great harm. Many experience neither love nor trust within marriage. Harming another emotionally, physically, or spiritually, including through the misuse or abuse of power, is a profound injury. It is also a betrayal and violation of the shelter and trust that are intended within the marriage relationship.” And so, the ELCA “recognizes that in some situations the trust upon which marriage is built becomes so deeply damaged or is so deeply flawed that marriage itself must come to a legal end.”
That is to say, that our church – like Jesus and the Pharisees – recognize that divorce is sometimes necessary. It is sometimes important. And it is sometimes life-giving. And even in the midst of situations of divorce and brokenness, God still hopes for us to have good, positive, life-giving, trusting relationships. Maybe with a mother or father or a sister or brother. Maybe with your children or your friends. Maybe with the people you worship with. Maybe even with God.
In reality, God hopes, even intends, that we would have good, positive, life-giving, trusting relationships with all of these people. And God knows that there are holes in every relationship. There is brokenness in all of our lives. Each of us struggle some days to be kind or loving or affectionate or even just not cranky or angry. And even then, God is working with us and in our relationships for healing, for mending, for renewal. And God is always working through our brokenness and pain, moving us into healing and mending and renewal. Thanks be to God.
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